WHEN I LEARNED COMPASSION & FORGIVENESS
When I was 16 years old (February 1977), and only a few months after escaping an abusive family environment, I was involved in a car crash which nearly killed an elderly European man. The accident was 100% my fault as I had stupidly decided to run a stop sign at around 70 mph as I leaned over and asked my young passengers “does anyone see a stop sign?”. They all said “no” and so I hit the gas peddle. My car hit a Yellow Taxi right on the driver’s door with such force I rolled the taxi right over and pushed it 50' into and through an iron fence and took out a larger tree, with my car ending up on top of the upside down taxi. The force of the impact was so great the transmission housing was visible as the engine and entire drive train were pushed back and up through the floor boards, which even pushed the rear differential and tires so they were located under the trunk of my 1969 Plymouth Sport Satellite.
I was the first one placed into an ambulance and was in and out of consciousness. My face/head hit the steering wheel with such force my face was shattered and skull fractured, and the steering wheel curved around my head and most of the force was then against the center column. While I was laying in the ambulance wondering why we had not left for the hospital, I head the Jaws of Life being used to extract the elderly cab driver. His body was obliterated on the left side with busted pelvis and busted ribs puncturing his bladder, liver and lungs along with other injuries.
When he was placed into the ambulance beside me he was having trouble breathing with the punctured lungs which were filling with blood. He was mumbling almost incoherently and with a gurgling, bubbling sound he was saying “Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God”.
I wanted to die, I tried to kill myself by holding my breath, but I either fell unconscious or just couldn’t hold my breath long enough to die. What had I done? How could I have caused so much pain and suffering to one person? My injuries eventually healed and I had some reconstructive surgery done and wires in my face to hold some things together. At the time I only had $75,000 Third Party Liability insurance and was being sued for $250,000 since the elderly man had lost his cab business and a trailer park he could not longer manage. Nearly one year later in December of 1977 I went to trial for three days, and on the last day this old man whom I had nearly killed, asked if he could address the courts. I recall his words to the female judge — in broken English as he was Polish I think — vividly and clearly:
“Your Honour, I am an old man and I am going to die soon. This young man has his whole life ahead of him. Your Honour, this young man made a ‘boo boo’. It is almost Christmas, what you decide today will effect this young man for the rest of his life. Your Honour, I beg you to be lenient on this young man.”
There was not a dry eye in the court room and the news made it to all the local papers at the time, most on the front page if I recall correctly and I managed to keep one copy.
I learned compassion and forgiveness that day from a remarkable man. I can’t say that his message of compassion or forgiveness had much of an impact on me back then. Although I did know I needed to change my reckless ways and that his kindness, compassion and forgiveness towards the person who nearly killed him was a rare and remarkable gesture.
And now, 42 years later with much of my own life behind me as well as decades of study in psychology and my own repertoire of life experiences combined with various spiritual practices, what I learned that day in a North Vancouver courtroom has only been reinforced.
Compassion is what truly unites us with other human beings and allows us to flourish as human beings. Compassion — as far as we know — is a uniquely human trait stemming from the empathy which arises when we feel someone else suffering. Compassion is empathy in action as we are driven, compelled, to relieve the person of their suffering. I now know that compassion is at the heart of most spiritual traditions. I also know that compassion acts as a psychological buffer against the emotional burnout that occurs in the helping occupations. I also know that compassion towards others is a factor in our own happiness.
After all these years, life experiences and education following that moving demonstration of compassion and forgiveness from a man I nearly killed, the wisdom of his simple message and generous gift towards me has only grown in significance and value.
I don’t recall your name, but I am deeply sorry for the pain and suffering I caused you. I also thank you from the deepest parts of my heart and soul, for teaching me two of the the most valuable lessons of my entire life. That compassion is our most precious human gift that can transform both the world and ourselves for the better, and all healing begins with forgiveness.
ps: I was also dealing with a shoplifting charge. For a short time I was on the streets of North Van and stole some food from a local food chain, and got caught. Most other times back then I was pretty good at stealing and getting away with it. :)
